doctor jokes

[liccle baybee bunny]

Doctor, Quickies



A husband and wife entered the dentist's office. The husband said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible." "You're a brave man," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is." The husband turns to his wife and says, "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."



Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!" "Do you drink a lot?" "Not really - I spill most of it!"



A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"



Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news. Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first. Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live. Patient: 24 HOURS! That's terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news? Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.



"Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?" "Yes, of course..." "Great! I never could before!"



A man goes to the eye doctor. The receptionist asks him why he is there. The man complains, "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes." The receptionist asks, "Have you ever seen a doctor?" and the man replies, "No, just spots."

[elaine_tu_le]

lol...

nice joke! takecare x

[oh_snap_its_amy]

Lolz. Lovely. xD

[Rasalom]

Hmmm....Mildly amusing.

[say hi]

well they are all right. nothing greaqt through. i think my fav would be the 24 hours to live.

[Yikai-Chocolate Bar]

I think a few of these are a bit less lame. .-.

Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I broke my arm in two places!

Doctor: Stay out of them places!
Patient: My tongue tingles when I touch it to a cracked walnut wrapped in used toaster oven aluminum foil, what's wrong with me?

Doctor: You have far too much free time.
Then there's the woman who goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his crotch. The dentist says, "Madam, I believe you've got a hold of my privates." The woman replies, "Yes. Now, we're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we."
Dentist begging the patient: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?

Patient: Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time.

Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 4 o'clock ball game.
Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?

Dentist: Wear a brown tie...
Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?

Dentist: $90.00.

Patient: $90.00 for just a few minutes work???

Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like.
Doctor: We need to get these people to a hospital!

Nurse: What is it?

Doctor: It's a big building with a lot of doctors, but that's not important now!


Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?

Doctor: A shoebox.
Patient to optometrist: I'm very worried about the outcome of this operation, doctor. What are the chances?

Optometrist to patient: Don't worry, you won't be able to see the difference.

Patient walks into a doctor's office.

Patient: Doctor, people ignore me.

Doctor: Next!

Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses.

Teller: You certainly do. This is a bank.
Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription?

Doctor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill.

A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands. "Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?"

"I don't see why not," replies the doctor.

"That's funny," says the man. "I wasn't able to play it before."

[haza.haxa]

I liked the walnut one and the bank one

[snookid]

jokes = funny timepass

[@lex.]

I hope this isnt offensive to blonds.


Blond: Doctor, doctor im sore everywere.

Docter: show me?

Blond: *Puts Finger on arm* She screams *puts finger on forehead* she screams she goes everywhere on her body (not rude)

the doctor thinks

Doctor: Your fingers broken:rofl::rofl::rofl: