till death do us part

[sakura_gurl15]

from the time i saw you
the sparkle in your eye
the charm in your smile
I knew what i was here for
I was put on this world for you
someone i hardly knew and yet i know everything about you
i'm here to love you and no one else
my heart will stay true... till death do us part

[cute angel]

i like it its really cute, it doesnt really sound right when u read it but its still really good

[BETTY_]

Aw, that was one of the most unromantic things I've ever read. Don't like it.

[Frost]

It was a nice sentiment. I mean, I liked the beginning the most.

Uhhhm, I think that's because you did more "showing" than "telling" in your descriptions. Instead of just stating things outright [like you did more toward the end], your just described it.

Instead of "I thought you were so charming" it's "the charm in your smile", etc.

...My point is, it was good, but descriptive "showing" should be used more than telling. ...It's just a lot of people just kinda blantatnly state crap in their poems and all more, it seems.


Blah, sorry for rambling.


----


Aw, that was one of the most unromantic things I've ever read.


Aw, that's one of the most unhelpful comments I've ever read.

[sakura_gurl15]

comments are comments i just like to write

[sakura_gurl15]

i like it its really cute, it doesnt really sound right when u read it but its still really good


thank you cute_angel for leaving a nice comment

i was very inspired when i wrote this poem i was thinking about a lover. ive been writing poetry for about 3 years and i agree that this is not my best work
it could have had more imagery and sensual things but i didnt bother to add them for i was thinking of someone else.

[nikki_RFC_]

thank you cute_angel for leaving a nice comment

i was very inspired when i wrote this poem i was thinking about a lover. ive been writing poetry for about 3 years and i agree that this is not my best work
it could have had more imagery and sensual things but i didnt bother to add them for i was thinking of someone else.

you wrote that for someone?
thats so sweet!:D
its a very good poem.well done!