Dream.

[Heart.Break.Kid]

...I dream a dream...
...Yoor in that dream...
...that dream i dream...


...The dream when we kiss...
...in the rain...
...we kiss...


...I pull away...
...but yooh hold me even tighter...
...Yooh tell me yooh love me...
...i pull away...


...Yooh stand fruststrated...
...my knees grow weak...
...I fall into yoor arms...
...in the rain...


...I dream a dream...
...Yoor in that dream...
...that dream i dream...

<3

[sethparty]

ZZzzZZzZZzZzZzZzZZZzzzZZzzzz

[Heart.Break.Kid]

Why dont yooh go bore someone else with yoor comments.

[Frost]

It's different, with the repetition of certain phrases and all. At first I thought...hmm...but after reading the whole thing, I think it's nice. Very simple and to the point. Aaaaand I like things involving dreams, so... *applauds*


And Sethparty licks crusty cornnuts for breakfast, by the way.

[BOOP]

If you're only here to post your poems to hear "Well done, you're so brilliant!" then you're wasting your time. When someone is going to be generous enough to offer you contructive feedback, I suggest you be a little less defensive and a little more open minded. The idea is to grow into your craft. Firstly, you can't just use a lot of periods "....." for a visual effect. They actually have a purpose, and that purpose is to create a pause. Secondly, you can't just use a lot of terrible spelling and call it poetry. Try a spell check. You have the foundation of a good poem here, you just need to take poetry seriously before you make another attempt.

[Heart.Break.Kid]

I dont come for cheery comments. OKie so i have to edit a little. im a begginer. I just wrote what i felt...Nothing wrong with that, is there? I respect what yooh think. I dont disagree with anything yooh say.
Im sorry if my writing and spelling upsets yooh. Its my writing. I'Ll StArT wRiTiNg LyKe ThIs...it shouldn't matter to yooh. Because yooh didnt write it. If yooh have a problem dont read my poems.

Again thanks for giving me yoor point of veiw on my poems..I'll take yoor advice on the spelling but nothing i do or anything in a poem is terrible...

[BOOP]

I dont come for cheery comments. OKie so i have to edit a little. im a begginer. I just wrote what i felt...Nothing wrong with that, is there? I respect what yooh think. I dont disagree with anything yooh say.
Im sorry if my writing and spelling upsets yooh. Its my writing. I'Ll StArT wRiTiNg LyKe ThIs...it shouldn't matter to yooh. Because yooh didnt write it. If yooh have a problem dont read my poems.

Again thanks for giving me yoor point of veiw on my poems..I'll take yoor advice on the spelling but nothing i do or anything in a poem is terrible...

Thank you for your attempt at trying to remain open minded, yes that was sarcasm. For someone reason you seem to think I care what or how you write. Im sorry I gave you that impression. I don't care. I'm a literature major in college, and witnessing terrible writing makes me cringe, I figured you would appreciate and respect the advice from someone with experience. Clearly you think you're a professor who needs not hone their craft. If you had bothered to read what I had said instead of jumping on your defensive wagon and throwing insults this way, you would have seen that I had said you had the basis of a good poem. You would also have noticed that I said you spelling was terrible, not your emotions. Poetry is an expression of emotions, and I never said your feelings were terrible, try reading the feedback and actually taking something from it. It is very rare to have a perfect copy without ever having needed a rough draft, but kudos to you if you think you're that wonderful.

[Heart.Break.Kid]

Lyke i said..Im a begginer, im in the 8th grade, yoor in collage! It seems yooh have more experience with literature than i do. This is just the first chapter in a rough draft of my writing in my life. I dont wanna be a famous poetry writer (although it would be nice) i want to be a CSI detective. Poetry is just a new hobbie.
From a begginer..I dont think im wonderful or a all that professer. I think ima dork, loser, computar geek that happens to want to start writing poems. I could not compare to a hot shot collage poetry writer lyke yooh..No way!

[BOOP]

Lyke i said..Im a begginer, im in the 8th grade, yoor in collage! It seems yooh have more experience with literature than i do. This is just the first chapter in a rough draft of my writing in my life. I dont wanna be a famous poetry writer (although it would be nice) i want to be a CSI detective. Poetry is just a new hobbie.
From a begginer..I dont think im wonderful or a all that professer. I think ima dork, loser, computar geek that happens to want to start writing poems. I could not compare to a hot shot collage poetry writer lyke yooh..No way!
As much as I'd like to sit here and exchange such clever sarcastic comments with you, I kinda don't care that much :) I did notice that you were a beginner, so thanks again for pointing out the obvious. As I SAID, I was merely trying to help you, as when I first started writing, I sincerely appreciated all the generous help that experienced writers offered ME. We all have to start somewhere, and regardless of whether or not you wish to turn this into a paying career or not, it's a hobby you enjoy, and if you enjoy something, you GENERALLY try to make the most of it. I think you have a lot of talent, and I'm sure that if you keep writing and trying, you'll get really good at it. So from one writer to another, keep at it, I like your style. And good luck with your exams, I hope you get the grades you seek to accomplish the career of your choice.

[Heart.Break.Kid]

Thank yooh. Im glad yooh want to help and i can see from which i look back at some of my poems i do need to work even harder on these. And i would lyke to try much harder on my poems and other poems i may write in the future. i havent thought or wrote any new poems ever since yoor first comment on my poems, and im trying to write more but i cant seem to find the topics for a poem. I think i have writers block. Any advice yooh would have for me.?.

[BOOP]

You're welcome :) And as for writer's block, I seem to get trapped in that pit quite often. I usually go months without feeling inspired enough to write at all, and then suddenly, I'll have produced a poem. I find the best method is to just write Anything that comes into your head. It doesn't have to make sense, and it can be just a bunch of words that don't even make up a sentence. Just write! After you have done that a few times, you might find you can sit down and write a poem. It should feel quite natural, and that you're not forcing the words. However, if that doesn't work, don't panic! You might go weeks or months without writing anything. But trust me, in time you'll be able to write again, it's just a matter of having patience. While you wait for the inspiration, try reading some great and famous works at other poetry sites. Nothing will inspire you more then seeing beautiful poetry that is so well known, it is taught in school. :) Good luck and keep trying!

[Heart.Break.Kid]

Thanks! Great advice. Yooh know yooh give really good advice. Yooh should have yoor own forum, where people can come ask questions on threads and yooh answer them..I know i would go there and ask for help. =]

[Venus]

Nicely simple.. Well done.. For someone who doesnt write much poems its a great start :)

[Heart.Break.Kid]

Thankies!
Your poems are really good too.

[mittenzfibah]

I really love it!:kiss: :kiss: :kiss: :kiss:

[Heart.Break.Kid]

Lol.
Thankies!

[alexzandra]

i liked it. it makes me think about my love.............i hate myself..........

[Drakota123]

I liked that very much.Dreams,Not a bad topic to think of.Very unusual.Keep it up.I like unusual topics.I just know they are unique.Good luck !

Drakota