EmbersOfIce
14-06-2008, 10:46 PM
I am currently writing a story and would love to get some help with it, if possiple. It's not too good, but it's not extremely horrible, I believe.
A lone figure sat on a window seat of a two-story plain white house. The figure hummed quietly as the rain gently hit the window and white panels of the house. The silhouette was a young girl. Her face was calm and tranquil as her deep blue eyes scanned the surrounding wooded area. Her eyes locked onto something in the distance, suddenly as a creature scurried across the base of the trees. She furrowed her brow in concentration. A black blur moved at a fast pace athwart the forested setting, her keen eyes followed it. The thing stopped abruptly and looked directly at her. The girl was startled and unnerved at the very notion of this, but that wasn’t what caused shock to sink in. It was this creature’s eyes: they were a sharp, deep, blood red. Images filled her mind—those eyes were tantalizing and just as painful as the sight of blood which accompanied them within the memories that played in her mind. She didn’t remove her gaze, but she felt her heart rate increase slowly but surely. As the thing slowly receded, it’s crimson eyes still fixated on her, her heart rate started to slow down to its normal rate. She closed her eyes and ran a lace gloved hand through her thick brown hair. She relaxed her back so it was partially leaning against the white window frame. Upon reopening her eyes she glanced skyward, the dark gray of the clouds meeting her wary gaze.
I love hearing oppinions, so please feel free to leave a post, thank you.
A lone figure sat on a window seat of a two-story plain white house. The figure hummed quietly as the rain gently hit the window and white panels of the house. The silhouette was a young girl. Her face was calm and tranquil as her deep blue eyes scanned the surrounding wooded area. Her eyes locked onto something in the distance, suddenly as a creature scurried across the base of the trees. She furrowed her brow in concentration. A black blur moved at a fast pace athwart the forested setting, her keen eyes followed it. The thing stopped abruptly and looked directly at her. The girl was startled and unnerved at the very notion of this, but that wasn’t what caused shock to sink in. It was this creature’s eyes: they were a sharp, deep, blood red. Images filled her mind—those eyes were tantalizing and just as painful as the sight of blood which accompanied them within the memories that played in her mind. She didn’t remove her gaze, but she felt her heart rate increase slowly but surely. As the thing slowly receded, it’s crimson eyes still fixated on her, her heart rate started to slow down to its normal rate. She closed her eyes and ran a lace gloved hand through her thick brown hair. She relaxed her back so it was partially leaning against the white window frame. Upon reopening her eyes she glanced skyward, the dark gray of the clouds meeting her wary gaze.
I love hearing oppinions, so please feel free to leave a post, thank you.