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Rasalom
14-12-2007, 08:20 PM
Skin so pale, eyes so blue, looking into eternity as I look at you, what's left of you. Where your body lies, I remember not, it matters as much, though I enjoyed using it. Looking into your beautiful face I don't care if I'm caught.
Cold you are in my lap, cold you were in life, so shall you be now, the ultimate irony. Your standards so high, I couldn't hope to comply. Never a chance, never a second glance, nothing but disdain, for me in your brain. You talk to me now, you have no one else. Our conversations last for hours, for days. You love me, you truly do, lips curled into the smile of last heartbeat, a twinkle in your eye, for me, for me, not for he with who you drew last breath. He is gone now, his body riddled with worms, there is only me.
When I'm gone are you lonely? Do you want a friend? I have seen another, one just like you. She turns her nose up at me, she thinks she's better than me, she deigns not to glance at me, she's just like you. I'll show her, I'll make her love me, I'll teach her to love me, as I have taught you.

XDeathWishX
15-12-2007, 09:38 AM
Cool.... Inspiring....

CrimsonInferno
15-12-2007, 09:44 PM
=Smiles= I was wondering when you'd finally put up some of your own work... I like it though admittedly a few times the rhythm was off. It's good, Rasalom.

Rasalom
16-12-2007, 03:50 PM
I just randomly tossed it together while waiting for virus scan to finish so I could play music lol.

SiL
16-12-2007, 07:27 PM
The appearance of the writing is a bit confusing, if it were in line form I could better understand it, since it's kinda in story form.
The word usage is great, and the rhyming scheme fits together perfect.
But may I suggest less comma use. It, makes a reader stop when there not needed to.
But, over all I like it.

VioletDazzle305
03-01-2008, 12:00 AM
its really good
i like it
:]

darknesss_123
06-01-2008, 10:13 AM
Aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! *MAJOR GLOMPAGE*

And wow, that's really good

Rasalom
07-01-2008, 04:46 PM
its really good
i like it
:]

Thank you =D

Aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! *MAJOR GLOMPAGE*

And wow, that's really good

Oooh, glomps ;) I like =]
Aaand, thank you =D